woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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