he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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