no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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