i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
