don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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