i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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