I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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