I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
