I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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