he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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