Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
