So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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