Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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