I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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