I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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