dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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