Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
