1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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