Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just crazy horny about you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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