yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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