a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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