I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize