so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
