when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
