for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
