No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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