What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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