I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
