omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
