if i can run in heels then i can drive
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Found the puke drawer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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