My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
