i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
