I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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