census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she told me i tasted like america
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
