make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.