Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
