She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...