i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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