I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
