Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
