I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
