I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
