I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There's always time for handjobs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
