Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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