I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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