guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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