I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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