I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
