Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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