If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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