it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
