I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
