your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
