my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
