he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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