Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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