didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
