We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
