There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
