some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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