Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
