peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
