SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
