guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
