i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
smell my finger.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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