My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
