And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
