I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
