well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
