I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
