I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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