she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Drunk is a universal language darling
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
