Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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