you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
