Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
